I feel like every fiber of my being is screaming. I feel the urge to self harm. I don’t know if it’s because I am not overwhelmingly depressed right now and am less lethargic so that’s why I feel like this right now. It’s not that I want to hurt myself intentionally, that’s not what this is I know that. I am not suicidal that much I know. But why this happens to me I can’t explain.
It’s like I’m trying to think of the right way to describe it. More like intrusive thoughts. I know I am the one thinking these things and feeling them but also I feel like I am not controlling them. For example sometimes I will be riding in a car and say I have this sudden urge to jump out for no reason. Or jump off a roof, or a train platform etc. I just want to feel what the pain would be like. I know I’d get hurt or killed and I know it’s not logical. It just feels like it’s a dream and that I’m not really here.