"He [Rick Santorum] is a staunch opponent of abortion, even in the case of rape. Even in the case of rape, telling CNN recently that a woman, in that case, should, and I quote, ‘make the best out of a bad situation, and accept the gift from God.’ Wow. I think women should say the same thing to Santorum, Andy, after from now until the end of his weaselly life, they see him in the street and kick him in the fucking balls. ‘Please accept this gift from God, Rick, this pointed-shoed gift to your plums. Why are you rolling around on the ground crying, Rick? Please make the best out of this bad situation. In fact, rejoice, because I believe another lady is coming over to gift you with another high-velocity nut shot. Praise be, Rick! God is graciously raining gifts into your groinal area, you fucking douche.’"
John Oliver on Rick Santorum, The Bugle 183
"One of the things I will talk about that no president has talked about before is the dangers of contraception in this country, the whole sexual libertine idea… It’s not okay because it’s a license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be. They’re supposed to be within marriage, for purposes that are, yes, conjugal… but also procreative.
That’s the perfect way that a sexual union should happen. We take any part of that out, we diminish the act… And all of a sudden, it becomes deconstructed to the point where it’s simply pleasure. And that’s certainly a part of it—and it’s an important part of it, don’t get me wrong—but there’s a lot of things we do for pleasure, and this is special, and it needs to be seen as special. Again, I know most presidents don’t talk about those things, and maybe people don’t want us to talk about those things, but I think it’s important that you are who you are… I’m not running for pastor, but these are important public policy issues."
Rick Santorum, giving an odd interview back in October to CaffeinatedThoughts.com
Ahem. An open letter to Rick Santorum:
I can call you Rick, right? You seem to want to get to know me on an awfully personal level. Well, I have something to say about that: Please get the hell out of my vagina. I did not invite you up in there. Nor did I invite you to poke around my uterus and ovaries, or anywhere else in my bathing suit area.
I think it’s important that people “are who they are” too, which is why I don’t care what two (or more) consenting adults want to do to get freaky. I don’t care if you and Karen do it twice a year with the lights out, socks on, and magic sweater vest flung on the floor. I don’t care if you have a secret furry fetish involving My Little Pony and jars of marshmallow fluff.
I. DON’T. CARE. ABOUT. YOUR. SEX. LIFE. Is that clear?
In exchange, it would be super cool if you stopped giving a fuck about mine. It’s getting creepy. You look out from the TV screen like we’re just pals, chatting about “intimacy” and making sure I’m barefoot, pregnant, and making men sandwiches because Jesus said reasons.
Let’s get one thing straight, mmmkay?
Go have some sex for pleasure, Rick. I bet you’ll have fun, Karen will be shocked, and your litter o’ kidlets will wonder if daddy and mommy are demonically possessed because they’ve NEVER heard those kinds of noises.